I made my Cursillo in February 99.  Looking back on that weekend, it was one of the most profound experiences of my life.  I want to talk a bit about my life before Cursillo and what I now realize was missing from it.

I was raised a Catholic and did most of the things that a good Catholic should do.  Mostly because my parents were active in the Church and they brought us to mass each Sunday.  Like many other Catholic kids growing up, going to Church was one of those things you just did.  It was part of life, like it or not. Much to my parent's delight, I was an altar boy for several years and attended Catholic school.

I remember in my teenage years not going to Church as regularly, and many times not at all.  I guess growing up became more important, and besides I remember feeling as though I wasn't getting anything out of mass each week anyway.  I was just going through the motions.  All the same, my parents would tell me that one hour a week out of my life wouldn't kill me, but somehow I wasn't sure.  I imagine that they were disappointed in that, but things like that don't dawn on you when you're a teenager and rebellious.

When I met my wife and we started dating, I remember her being the spiritually stronger half.  In some ways her family was more religious than mine and that was a good influence on me.  It's great to have a partner who shares many of the same beliefs as yourself, and can help bring you back into line when you start to make poor decisions. She was that person.

While I wasn't feeling much like a good Catholic throughout my 20's, there were events that made me think more deeply about my life and being Christian.  One I remember in particular was in our marriage preparation course.   Getting ready for the sacrament of marriage was exciting enough, but what really stood out in my mind is the way the priest explained aspects of being Christian and of the Church, that I had not really heard or understood before.  In hindsight, it was similar to the talks given on the Cursillo weekend.  It provided a moment of learning and understanding that just wasn't available at Sunday mass.  I think times like that kept a fire burning inside me, or at least kept the pilot light on.

In the past few years, my wife and I started to go to charismatic meetings and healing masses.  I like these because you could rejoice through singing, followed by an interesting and inspiring talk given by a priest.  I felt as though I was missing something.  I guess because you didn't tend to get to know people, and once you left, it was over until next time.

Aside from those moments of inspiration, I still felt like I was moving further away from the Church. Financially and materially, I had become satisfied, as my hard work throughout university had begun to pay its rewards.  However, I knew that money would not make me happy, and I truly believed that.  What I came to realize is that my wife and my children, and my time with them was the most important thing in my life.  Nothing can replace time that is not spent with them.

But I still had a sense of uneasiness inside.  Questions.  Nagging doubts.  Sure, I was going to Church most Sundays, especially since we had kids of our own, but something was missing.  In fact, I was not sure of what I believed in, or if I believed at all.  I knew what I should be thinking, but I didn't feel it.  For me this was a stressful time.  I didn't even want to talk to my wife about it.  And in some ways, it was having a negative impact on our relationship.

Our tenth wedding anniversary was approaching and I was wondering how we would celebrate.  When we first got married, I remember thinking that our 10th anniversary would really be different.  We would do something special like take an expensive vacation, or renew our vows, or have a big party and invite the same people that we had at our wedding.  Or if things were going well, maybe we could do all three.  But we had been fortunate to have been on many trips in the past few years, so that didn't seem that extraordinary.  And as the date approached, I was feeling the pressure to come up with an idea.

As luck would have it, a longtime friend of ours suggested that we attend a Cursillo weekend.  Neither one of us had heard of a Cursillo before, and our sponsor didn't tell us much about it.  In fact, we really knew nothing about it except that our sponsor was a good guy and we trusted him.  But for some reason it seemed like it was something we should do.  Once I garnered up the courage and decided to go, which was an on-again, off-again thing, I remember telling my wife that we should forget any grand plans for our 10th anniversary.  We should go to the Cursillo instead.  Although I didn't know it then, or even suspect it, I now realize that it was the Holy Spirit who was speaking to us.  Who else could it be?  As I found out later, things were falling into place too neatly, for my wife and I, to be coincidental.

Nevertheless, I was afraid to go on the Cursillo weekend.  Afraid of the unknown.  Afraid of letting loose the reins of control.  Afraid of making a commitment to something that I knew very little about.  Well, you already know I did go.  And the amazing thing was that I knew within 10 minutes of arriving at Mount Alverno that it definitely was the right decision.  I'm not sure how I knew, but I sure felt it.  That supernatural feeling was something I felt throughout the weekend.  It was not just about people and an organization.  It was the Holy Spirit.

The weekend was fantastic.  It was exciting, inspiring, and influential.  The group camaraderie and spirituality was incredible.  I have been part of various groups before, but not like this.  And the talks were great.  Just what I needed.  I loved learning more about who I am, where I came from, and where I fit into the world.  And I also realized something important about me.  All the doubts I felt were not because I didn't believe, but because I didn't understand.  Looking back, I could see that I had a desire and need to learn more about Christ. And those times when I did were the closest I felt to the Church.

So the emphasis on study in the Cursillo was like a ray of light to me.  I had always felt guilty because I didn't have blind faith.  The problem was that I had too many questions and not enough answers.  And the weekend made me aware that many others were in the same boat as me, which was comforting.

Receiving the Eucharist had great meaning for me.  I never understood or felt as much a part of the celebration of Christ's body and blood as I did on he Cursillo weekend.  It all just snapped into focus.  The true meaning of the sacrament revealed itself.  I try to relive that moment at mass on Sunday, but the hurried approach of receiving communion with 1000 other people can make it difficult.

Throughout the weekend I felt the undeniable presence of the Holy Spirit, something I had never felt before.  I could feel His warm and calming love pour over me.  Literally.  Although I might not have truly believed it before, outside of what I had be taught all of my life, there was no question that there was a higher power at work.  So many positive things were happening. Things I needed in my life occurred at that precise time.  It couldn't be a coincidence.

Once I got home, I couldn't wait for my wife to go on her weekend.  I remember telling her to go on the weekend and not think of anything else.  She had a great time as well.  And it turned out to be good for our relationship and our kids.  Our 3 children always say grace before meals and they look forward to nightly prayers and a blessing.  My wife and I communicate more openly and we tend to look at things in a Christian light.  In short, our family is striving to live Christian lives; certainly an admirable goal.

The weekend spurred a renewed interest in Christianity.  I began reading a lot more and generally talking more about religion and Christianity.  I started reading the New Testament, which read like a good novel.  It was hard to put down.  As corny as it may sound today, the bible is a good roadmap for life.  Listening to and learning from its messages will make your life much more satisfying and definitely less troubled.

My favorite passage in the bible is Luke 17:20. "And when he was demanded of the Pharisees, when the kingdom of God should come, he answered them and said, The kingdom of God cometh not with observation.  Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you."Think about that!  The kingdom of God is within you, and me.

I think about that passage a lot.  Not only does it give me spiritual strength, it also explains our relationship with the Creator.  God created us in His image.  He gave us the innate knowledge of right and wrong and the ability to effect positive change in others' lives through love for one another.  He also gave us the Holy Spirit to guide us along when we ask for His help.  This living proof of being Sons of God was the single greatest thing I discovered from the Cursillo weekend.  And the reinforcement of the Holy Spirit makes it all the greater.

After the weekend I wanted to get involved in the Cursillo movement.  I had never heard of the Cursillo movement before and was quite dismayed that I hadn't.  But I was excited and enthusiastic.  I wanted to help others become aware of it.

From time to time I ask myself why I feel so driven to spread the word of God through the Cursillo movement.  The answer is simple, really. Hope.  As I mentioned earlier, the Cursillo was one of the most profound experiences of my life.  Through the grace of God, I was touched by the Holy Spirit that weekend and learned how to pray, to really talk to Jesus.  And to hear him talk to me.  While I'm afraid of losing that closeness, I also want to let others' know about something that I found.  If they could feel that too, what a difference it would make in their lives.

In the spirit of being apostles for Christ, I realize that it is up to me to effect change in my life and the lives of those around me.  When asked "What is wrong with the world today?"; a well known author simply answered "I am".  That really struck a chord with me.  No other person is going to do it for me.

Our life on earth really is short.  You're born here and you die there. For most of us that is 75 to 85 years.  Not a long time.  It's up to us how we live our lives.  We can either live like Christians, leading spiritual, ethical, and morally strong lives; or not.  I know what I've decided.

Toronto